


Babysitter Jarvis

by Lumoa



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Babysitting, Fluff, Gen, Other, Superfamily, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-07
Packaged: 2017-11-24 03:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/629606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumoa/pseuds/Lumoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tony and Steve go out for date, Jarvis is left alone to take care of their son Peter. However even though the AI has been programmed with the latest childcare technology, taking care of a baby is harder than he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitter Jarvis

"Are you sure about this Tony?"

"Come on Steve! Peter couldn't be in better hands!" Tony patted Steve on the back and took Peter out of Steve's arms. The thirteen month year old baby giggled and reached his hands up to grab Tony's face. Peter patted Tony's rough cheeks and let out a happy squeal at the rough feeling. Tony grinned at Peter and rubbed his nose against the baby's.

"I don't know Tony…" Steve bit his lip.

"Come on Steve! Look, Tasha and Clint are off somewhere on SHIELD business, taking the super nanny with them, Bruce is still in India visiting old friends, Thor's visiting Asgard, and Pepper has a huge Stark Industries meeting! There isn't anyone left!" Tony hesitated, "Well there is the pirate…" He mused.

Steve winced and shook his head, "I don't even want to know what Fury babysitting techniques would involve."

"Probably putting Peter in something similar to that high tech prison he put Loki in." Tony snorted and shifted Peter about in his arms.

"We could stay home." Steve suggested.

"Nuh-uh. I'm a billionaire and Iron Man and even I had to wait two days to get a table at Els Venjadors! Two days Steve!"

"Money can't get you everything Tony." Tony just gave Steve a weird look. Steve chuckled and rolled his eyes, deciding to give Tony a kiss on the cheek and leaving that conversation for another day.

"I assure you, Mr. Rogers, that Mr. Stark has updated my programming to include everything I would need to know about childcare." Jarvis's voice rang out. "My security systems have been checked and rechecked by Mr. Stark, and I am constantly scanning the tower for any disturbances."

"See Steve? Nothing to worry about! Jarvis will take care of everything." Tony said.

Steve waffled for a few more moments before finally giving in, "Oh, all right then. We will only be gone for a couple of hours anyways. What's the worst that could happen?"

Tony beamed up at Steve and gave him a kiss on the lips. "Thank you Steve. I'll go put Peter in his crib and then we can leave." Steve nodded, gave Peter a kiss goodbye, and Tony moved away, strolling back down the hallway to their son's room. After typing in the security code on the door, it slid open to reveal a large, but cozy, nursery. Tony gave Peter one last snuggle before placing him into his crib. Peter pulled himself up and made grabby hands at Tony to pick him up again. Tony chuckled and rubbed Peter's head gently, "Later little guy. Your Pop and I are going to go out on a date tonight! So behave for Jarvis, okay?" Peter only sat back down in his crib and made gargling sounds.

"Jarvis?"

"Yes sir?"

"Make sure to take care of him." Tony leaned down to give Peter one last kiss.

"Of course sir."

**~SUPERFAMILY~**

It didn't even take five minutes after Steve and Tony had left for Peter to start getting antsy. The child began to fuss about in his crib, making whining noises at first, and then resorting to throwing some of his stuffed toys about in the crib.

"Young Mr. Stark-Rogers."

Peter looked up curiously at the voice of the AI that rang throughout his room. Peter recognized the voice. The smooth British accent had been a constant in his life ever since Steve and Tony had brought him home with them from the adoption agency. Of course Peter didn't understand what Jarvis was; he just remembered the familiarity of the voice.

"Beh!" Peter stuck up his arms, expectant of someone to pick him up.

Jarvis sighed. Tony had indeed installed him with every single possible childcare software that he could develop, and Jarvis had been watching Steve and Tony take care of Peter every single day since they had brought him home. However this was the first time Jarvis had actually been left alone with the child and he was…well…nervous. Drat Tony for installing so many human traits in him.

"Meh! Meh!" Peter's baby babble became more insistent and whiny.

Jarvis quickly ran a scan on the child, searching for any signs of hunger, sleepiness, or excrement in Peter's diaper. Finding nothing out of those three basic needs, Jarvis was becoming even more unsettled as Peter's whines became whimpers, which were quickly escalating into crying.

Steve and Tony hadn't even been gone for half an hour and already Jarvis was messing things up.

"Shhh, young Mr. Stark-Rogers!" Peter continued to wail. Jarvis didn't understand why the child wasn't reacting to his voice anymore. Jarvis began to desperately scan his memory base for anything that Tony or Steve might have said to help in this situation. Finally he alighted upon something, one little conversation Tony had had with him only a few days ago.

_"Sir, the young Mr. Stark-Rogers is waking up from his nap."_

_Tony had looked up from the project he had been working on, "Thanks Jarvis," he sat his tools down and quickly scrubbed most of the grease on his hands off with a rag, "Don't bother waking Steve up from his nap. Peter kept him awake most of the night."_

_"Right sir."_

_"Oh, and Jarvis?"_

_"Yes sir?"_

_"Maybe you should just call Peter by his first name. Nobody will mind, and I think Peter won't react if you call him Mr. Stark-Rogers. He won't understand that name for a while."_

"Peter!" If it was possible for Jarvis to sound panicky, that was what he would have called the tone of his voice as Peter's wails began to reach to a higher pitch. "Peter! Shhh, everything it okay." Jarvis really hoped Tony never took a look through that night's security footage. Jarvis sounded completely unprofessional, but with a child as young as Peter, unprofessional was probably best.

Peter's cries quieted down for a few moments, leaving Peter sniffling softly. However Jarvis's relief was short lived; Peter's silence was only temporary. The cries began up again and almost redoubled in loudness.

Tony had made one last thing for Jarvis if anything really bad had happened to the Stark Tower and Jarvis needed to evacuate with Peter. It was only supposed to be a last resort sort of thing, but considering the circumstances, Jarvis was inclined to think that Peter's wails were more than enough to register as high importance.

Quickly, Jarvis inserted the majority of his mind into the android downstairs in the workshop. He uploaded all the links to the house into the mainframe, making sure that he would still have complete control over the tower while still inside the android.

This was only the second time Jarvis had ever inserted himself into the android, the first being when he and Tony had tested it out to make sure there were no bugs or problems. The experience was…interesting and incredibly uncomfortable for Jarvis. He wasn't used to having movement or the ability to feel. Tony had been very thorough with the android body, giving it inner heating and a sort of synthetic skin to mimic the heat and skin of a real human. If Jarvis had been to walk about the street in the android body, nobody would guess he wasn't human. Jarvis's new body had short, scruffy, blonde hair, a thin nose, and a muscular body. He was actually rather handsome by human standards.

After doing a quick check to make sure that he was still connected to Stark Tower, Jarvis stepped out of the capsule containing his body. He eyed the darkly colored suit Tony had chosen to outfit the android with. It fit comfortably enough, according to his sensors.

Peter's cried from upstairs were beginning to grate on the noise receptors Jarvis still had in Peter's room. Moving as quickly as his feet could let him, Jarvis bounded up the stairs to the nursery.

Jarvis slammed the door open in his eagerness to get to Peter. Thanks to the immense amount of strength he now had, the door ended up smashed into the wall. At the noise, Peter stopped crying and looked over to the new person in his room. He continued to sniffle even as Jarvis walked over and picked Peter up from his crib.

"What's wrong young Mr. Sta…Peter? My sensors haven't indicated any changes in your body's homeostasis." Jarvis hesitated before holding Peter as he had seen Tony and Steve did. Peter sniffled a little bit longer, but he was now smiling, gurgling happily in Jarvis's arms.

Sighing with frustration, Jarvis searched through his inner child-care manual. After scanning several pieces of useless information, he finally alighted on something about children being fussy. Unfortunately, all it said was that children would occasionally be fussy, wanting attention and play time.

"Peter," Jarvis said sternly, "I do believe Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers were very clear that your bedtime was to be around 7:00 pm. It is now 7:30 and you do not even look sleepy."

Peter stuck out his tongue and wiggled about.

"The manual says that hot bottles of milk help children to sleep. However you are not currently hungry and previous experiences suggest that you would end up spitting back up on me." Jarvis debated about what to do next. Meanwhile, Peter had grown bored of being wrapped up in Jarvis's arms. He wanted to move about some more, do something more interesting! Peter began to wack Jarvis, demanding to be put down.

The nerve simulators underneath Jarvis's synthetic skin were sending messages of pain to Jarvis's 'brain'. Startled by the new sensation, Jarvis gazed down at Peter in surprise. His face quickly morphed itself into the facial expression known as 'disapproval'.

"Peter, stop that at once." Jarvis commanded. He brought Peter's face up to be level with his own. "That is very rude young sir and-ow!" Jarvis jerked Peter back, having received a smack on the nose from Peter's little hand.

"Hee-hee~!" Peter giggled at Jarvis's disgruntled expression.

When a child does something bad, positive punishment should be used to stop the behavior. Spanking is not suggested by the leading childcare psychologists, for it has negative psychological consequences and might increase bad behavior. Timeouts are considered a good form of positive punishment, Jarvis concluded. He promptly put Peter back down in his crib and walked out of the room, leaving Peter to his time out.

Peter had been startled by the sudden movement of being placed back down. Within seconds he found himself alone in his room again.

Peter really didn't like being left alone. He remembered the few cold nights he had spent at the place before his daddy's came and took him to their home with them. Peter had been scared those nights, when nobody was in the room with him and nobody came to comfort him when he cried.

Jarvis had barely made it five steps from the door when Peter's crying started. It was loud and panicky. All of the childcare manuals said that the child would do this, would be upset over being punished, but Jarvis had been unprepared for the rush of worry and nervousness that passed through him. What if something was wrong? Peter's wails sounded really upset, and almost scared.

Jarvis did a one-eighty and dashed back into the nursery, grabbing Peter and holding him close. Peter wrapped his tiny arms around Jarvis's neck and continued to bawl.

Babies liked movement, right? Jarvis hesitantly bounced Peter up and down in his arms. "Please calm down young sir."

Peter's cries lessened, but didn't completely stop.

Jarvis was feeling awful. This was twice in one hour that he had allowed Peter to cry. Despite everything that Tony had programmed into him, he was still ending up as one of the worst babysitters ever.

**To be continued…**


End file.
